A fellow was struggling in
a Birmingham canal. He called out to a passer-by for help
and the chap on the bank shouted, ‘what’s your
name?’
‘Bill Hawkins!’ spluttered the man in the canal.
‘Where do you work?” asked the passer-by.
‘At the engineering works up the road!’ gasped
the drowning man. ‘Get me out of here1’
But the man on the bank walked off and made his way to
the factory, where he demanded to see the boss. ‘Do
you have a Bill Hawkins working here?’ he asked.
‘Yes, we do,’ said the boss.
‘Well, I’ve called for his job, he’s just
drowned in the canal.’
‘You’re too late,’ said the boss. ‘The
fellow that pushed him in has got it.’
******
The royal yacht Britannia was cruising off Hong Kong one
night when a light suddenly appeared ahead. The captain
signaled ahead and then sent a radio warning but the light
still steadily bore down on the Britannia. Coming within
hailing distance, the captain seized a megaphone and yelled,
‘Ahoy there! This is the royal yacht Britannia with
her Majesty on board! Make way! From the darkness ahead,
voice replied, ‘Make way yourself! This is honourable
Hong Kong lighthouse!’
******
A young man was dancing with a rather haughty young lady
at the yacht club annual dance. After treading on her
feet for the third time, he said apologetically, ‘You’ll
have to excuse me, I’m a little stiff from sailing.’
(Although a joke should never have to be explained, |
A fellow had arranged
to take his girlfriend to a local match but unfortunately
they were delayed and didn’t arrive until nearly
halftime. ‘What’s the score?’ the lad asked
a bystander.
‘Nil-nil,’ was the reply.
‘Oh, good!’ his girlfriend gushed. ‘We
haven’t missed anything!’
******
The boss called the office boy into his private sanctum.
‘How did your great-aunt’s funeral go yesterday
afternoon?’ he asked.
‘It went off all right, Sir,’ said the office
boy, puzzled.
‘Good, good,’ said the boss. ‘Pity they’ve
got to do it all over again.’
‘Pardon, Sir?’ said the office boy.
‘Yes. I understand there’s a replay on Saturday.’
******
‘What’s the best way to contact your long-lost
relatives?’
‘Win the football pools!’
******
A group of High Court judges once decided to go out for
a boat trip. It was quite a windy day and the sea began
to get decidedly rough. The senior judge, an old fellow
of eighty, became violently seasick. A colleague, noticing
this, asked him if there was anything he could do to help.
‘Yes,’ said the old judge miserably. ‘Overrule
the motion!’
******
The boss was interviewing a young lady for the post of
secretary. ‘How many words a minute can you type?’
he asked.
‘Long ones or short ones?’ she queried. |
