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Living
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Ways
to Blend Belongings
By Sagittarius Marriage Is A Union Of Two Hearts,Soul and Lives |
 For
many couples, it also represents the melding of two households, two
sets of furniture and, sometimes, two varying senses of style. But local couples suggest that, as with most marital situations, respectful attitudes and willingness to compromise are the keys to uniting the home furnishings. I think it's important to talk about it early, especially if you've lived alone for any amount of time, (and) you're used to having your own space," said Babra, an interior decorator planning her wedding. "It's actually one of the first things we talked about." She and her fiance, Badar, plan to live in her Defence home until they are ready to buy a house together. The pair of 32-year-olds have been on their own for a while, and both recently finished redecorating their houses. "Right when we both got our houses fixed up, we started dating, so it was bad timing," Babra said with a laugh. Her fiance's house has a masculine look with neutral colors and few accessories, while hers, which she redecorated herself, is pretty with pink and plenty of accessories. Badarhas been accepting of most of her furnishings, but he wants a longer couch and isn't too sure about her pink braided rug, she said. "We have pretty similar tastes, so that helps," she said. She said they haven't had any arguments about furnishings, but they try to talk about issues openly and work them out. Babra's guest bedroom will be converted into a home office for her future husband. He plans to sell much of his furniture since it is new and he isn't too attached to it. But he wants to keep some glass pieces, a globe and other objects he collected on travels with his grandparents, along with photos and other meaningful items, she said.What they don't have room for at her house, they plan to keep in a storage unit. "Our issue right now is more a lack of space than we don't like each other's stuff," she said. "I don't want to live in my house for long, because it will always be my house. ... When we get a home together, it will reflect both our personalities."  She
thinks the best scenario is for married couples to buy a house together,
so that neither party feels like the outsider moving in. A house selected,
purchased and decorated together will reflect the couple's personality,
rather than individual personalities, and give both a sense of emotional,
as well as financial, ownership, she said. For couples who don't buy a home together, a welcoming, flexible and respectful attitude is vital, said Raheela. She and Karim wed in May and moved into her home of more than a dozen years. She said her husband initially wanted her to move out of her Karachi home, but since they both liked her house, they eventually decided to live there.  They
discussed where they would live and what furnishings they would have
early on. The owner of a women's specialty shop recommended couples
tackle the issue far in advance of the wedding, certainly before the
dress is picked out. "I think we were lucky. It's worked out very well," she said. "We're both pretty easygoing." She was careful not to make her spouse an outsider when he moved in, giving him space, inviting him to make suggestions on  furniture
arrangements and asking his opinion about household details. She agreed
to his suggestion of moving his leather chairsinto the pool table
room and took the other chairs in the bedroom. "He's got the lawn looking better than it ever has," she said, adding she put the back yard under his "green thumb." Deba said working on the lawn has been the latest project she and husband Saleem have taken on as a married couple. She moved into his Karachi home after they wed three years ago. Her husband was in the process of remodeling his house when they met and married. The house is a few decades old and needed some upgrading, and the kitchen was finished by the time they tied the knot, she said. But the pair embarked on a remodel of the master bedroom, bathroom and closet space together. She recommends couples refurbish one or more rooms together if they move into one spouse's house rather than buying one jointly. "That made it seem more like my house, too," she said. They have similar tastes, so their furnishings blended well. What they didn't have room for in the house, they moved into theirbeach hut, which kept them from having to "throw anything out or hurt anyone's feelings."  Although
it can be difficult to move into someone else's home, Deba said the
transition can go smoothly if couples are respectful of one another's
feelings and willing to compromise."It's probably a good way to test if you should get married at all," she saidBabra said both spouses should make it a goal to create a home they can both be proud of and comfortable in. That may mean one spouse has to accept a chair or painting he or she doesn't particularly care for. In her professional experience, she has encountered couples who have argued over furnishings, and she encourages them to be civil and flexible. She said spouses, particularly wives, sometimes "shut down" their partner when he wants to keep a favored piece. Instead, she recommends finding a place for the item that isn't a focal point. Rather than in the living room, the piece may work well in the children's playroom, study, library or a bedroom. if there is no place for the debated item in the home, she suggests keeping it in storage. The piece may become stylish, the couple may buy a bigger house in the future, or it may be perfect for a child's college dorm or first home. "I think if it's something someone has an emotional value to, you shouldn't get rid of it," she said. "I think usually you can find a place to use it." Giving an ultimatum, making fun of the contested piece or criticizing a spouse's taste are poor ways of dealing with the issue and can result in hurt feelings, she said. Rather, spouses should keep in mind the home is for both of them and both have the right to put their personal stamp on it. "It reflects everything else in your marriage -- it's about compromise," she said. "If you can't compromise on your interior decorating, you're probably going to have other issues." |
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