Does it seem to you that unfriendly sales clerks have become
the rule, not the exception? Have you noticed more and more people
yakking on cell phones in restaurants? Does there seem to be an
epidemic of tailgating on the highway? Are you aware that fewer
folks are saying “thank you” and “excuse me”?
if son, you probably agree with the 61% of Americans who believe
rudeness is on the rise, according to a January survey by Public
Agenda, a nonprofit public-policy organization.
And garden-variety boorishness can be more than just pleasant.
“A very large amount of physical violence has its origin
in an act of rudeness,” says Johns Hopkins Prof. Pier Massimo
Forni, who formed the Johns Hopkins Civility Project in 1997 with
his colleague Giulia Sissa. “An insensitive comment or a
rude gesture can spiral into a confrontation,’ adds Forni.
“Think of an instance of road rage that begins with ‘one-finger
puppetry’ and ends with gunshots.”Forni
and Sissa set out to assess the importan
ce
of civility, manners and politeness in America by talking with
people in hospitals, prisons, corporations andhigh schools across
the country. They found that peoplefrom all backgrounds and in
all situations connect incivility with a decreased quality of
life. What has caused the decline in common courtesy? Often, says
Forni, technology is to blame. “We are still figuring out
how we feel about theeveryday use of the new information technology,”
he explains. “Does it add convenience to our lives? Yes.
Does
it add stress? Yes.
In a world of cellular phones, e-mail and the Internet, common
decency and warm personal interaction can fall by the wayside.
Paradoxically, increased connections have made people feel dis-connected.
And the fast pace of life today increases anonymity and stress,
two major causes of uncivil behaviour.
The event of Sept. 11 changed things,
for a while. “In times of great trauma, we rediscover that
we need others in our lives to find solace, to help us get through
the trying times,”
say
Forni. In the wake of Sept. 11, he adds, many Americans said there
was more kindness, courtesy and understanding on the roadways,
in the malls and in the workplace. In fact, 74% of January’s
survey respondents said that Americans had become more thoughtful
and caring. But only 34% thought these feelings would be lasting.
So how can we use the lesson we’ve learned to boost civility?
Awareness of others is primary. “We are civil when we weave
respect, restraint and consideration into the fabric of this awareness,:
says Forni.
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E-MAIL ETIQUETTE 101
RESPOND: to every message. Answer personal e-mail
within 48 hours and business e-mail in 24 hours.
REFRAIN: from sending trivial messages. E-mail requires
the recipient’s time.
MIND YOUR TONGUE: or fingers. E-mail can be laced with profanity
or be abusive.
PROOFREAD: Misspellings and sloppy writing indicate
a lack of care and attention.
FORWARD: e-mail only with the sender’s permission.
REALIZE: that your e-mail may be forwarded without
your permission.
REMEMBER: that e-mail is not substitute for a letter
or a face-to-face encounter: A thank you not for a special
dinner requires a card.
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“Whenever we transcend self-orientation to act upon the
needs of those around us, we are being civil.”
Why bother? Because being good is simply good for you. “When
we choose to be more pleasant to others,” Forni points out,
“others are motivated to be more pleasant toward us.”
If you’re still not convinced that courtesy counts, keep
this in mind: In a book by the mystery writer P.D. James, a character
is introduced as “a man whose absence is usually preferable
to his presence.” Now, would anyone choose to be so described
