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Never Lose Your Sense of Humor
By Kirk Douglas
After a debilitating stroke, the legendary actor says he was ready to give it all up. Then, he says,
he remembered a valuable life lesson.

I was laughing in my room one sunny afternoon six years ago, having a manicure and planning a golf date. Suddenly, I felt a peculiar sensation in my right check. It was as if a pointed object had drawn a line from my temple, made a half – circle on my cheek and stopped. I felt no pain, but when I tried to describe it to Rose, my manicurist, I couldn’t talk. What came out gibberish. What was happening to me? Rose ran to the kitchen to call my wife, Anne, who was out playing bridge. Anne hurried home and phoned my doctor, who told her: “ if he can move, drive him to the hospital – an ambulance would take to long.”
At the hospital, the doctor said, “ show me your teeth.” I bread my teeth like I have done in so many of my movies. I did not know that my right lip drooped, covering my teeth, a sure sign of stroke. I could understand everything he said but could not talk. Later, I learned that I’d suffered a brain attack. That’s what strokes are. Brain attacks are the third leading cause of death in the U.S, and more than 600,000 American suffer strokes every year.
After 20 hours of observation, I was sent home. A hospital bed was installed in my room.it became my cocoon. For weeks I lay there, almost comatose. Sometimes my wife and sons come to see me. but I didn’t see them. I didn’t hear them. Sometimes I didn’t know whether it was day or night. With eyes closed, I just lay there, swallowing the saliva leaking out of my mouth.

I walked over to my desk. In the lower drawer was the gun I had used in gunfight at the O.K. corral. I picked it up. In another drawer was a box of bullets. I took two and loaded the gun. I struck the barrel in my mouth and- “ow”!- it bumped against my teeth. I pulled the gun out-and began to laugh. A toothache had delayed my death! I laughed hysterically. Humor saved me that day. Suicide! What a selfish act. I put the gun away, returned to my cocoon and pulled the covers over me. “Your speech therapist is here start working!” it was my wife, kicking me out of bed. It was two months after my stroke, and I was still depressed. But I wiped away my tears, blew my nose and went out to meet her. I felt embarrassed a child of almost 80 learning to talk.
I worked hard to improve, practicing oral aerobics every day to loosen my lips, tongue and cheeks. Constantly, I reminded myself: “ don’t lose your sense of humor.” Once I tried to talk to one of my sons, who responded, “ what did you say, dad?” I answered very slowly in astonishment, “don’t you…Speak…English?”
We both laughed. One of the worst things about having a stroke is that people feel sorry for you, they want to do things for you. And since you also feel very sorry for yourself, you let them. Beware of such temptation! Cling to your willpower you need every ounce of it to get better. I had to take control. I had to will myself to get better. I had no fight for it.
Before my stroke, the academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences had voted to award me an Oscar for lifetime Achievement. I kept working with my speech therapist to be ready. I even read the Torah aloud to my rabbi. Anything to help. But after all that work, I still didn’t see any improvement. I became so frantic that I asked my son Michael to accept for me. “ No way,” he answered emphatically. “ You will go up on that stage if you have to crawl.”
On Oscar night, a limousine drove a quivering Kirk Douglas to the stage door. I was led, stumbling, to a chair in the wings. Sitting here, I heard a voice –my voice-on the monitor. It was a scene from Spartacus.
Then, from the stage, I heard Steven Spielberg: “Kirk Douglas has done nearly everything in film. He has directed. He’s produced and, in the process, he helped to hammer the blacklist to pieces.” That made me tingle. Breaking the blacklist- the one thing I was really proud of. During which hunts of the McCarthy era, I’d hired Dalton Trumbo, an alleged communist, to write Spartacus.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” continued Spielberg, “ Kirk Douglas.”
I stood up, took a deep breath and walked on. I hugged Spiegberg, then turned to the audience –2000 people, on their feet, cheering! To the right, I could make out my sons-Eric, Peter, Joel and Michael and Anne, all staring at me. I thought of my speech therapist: pause, breath, swallows articulate.

I started slowly: “I see my four sons [I pointed]. They are proud of the old man.” The audience laughed. They understood me! I spotted my wife sobing. I held up the Oscar. “Anne, this belong to you. I love you,” I paused, took a deep breath and swallowed. “ Thank you for 50 wonderful years in the wonderful world of moviemaking.”
I bowed, thunderous applause engulfing me. I couldn’t believe it. They really understood me. I did not accomplished the first important step in my rehabilitation: I spoke before the public, my public. This fortified the major rule for overcoming any disability: never give up! Keep trying!
Two years later. I was offered the lead in “Diamonds,” film about a retried boxer who’s hunting for some gems he’d stashed away years earlier. My first thought was: “ I can not act any more!” but then I reconsidered: “ let’s give my character a stroke. Who can play that better than I?” still, when filming grew closer, I was filled with fear.” Anne,” I said, “ I don’t think I’ll be able to talk,” to which my wife replied,” when the camera begins to roll, you’ll talk.” And I did.
Dismounts came out. I was an actor again! The audience understood me! but most important was what film did for stroke victims and their families.

My “Operator’s Manual”

To help people understand and recover from a stroke, I constructed the following guidelines. Then, I had an epiphany: dealing with a stroke- dealing with any aliment or misfortune- is no different than the way we all should live our lives.

WHEN THINGS GO BAD, always remember: it could be worse.
NEVER, NEVER GIVE UP. Keep working on your speech – and on your life
NEVER LOSE YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.laught at yourself, laugh with others.
STEM DEPRESSION by thinking of, reaching out to and helping others.
DO UNTO OTHERS, as you would have them do unto you.
PRAY NOT FOR God to Crue you but to help you help yourself.

You see a stroke is a disease that people often hide. They fell guilty, embarrassed, humiliated, when they talked, they felt that people look at them as if they are stupid. “Diamonds” helped to bring this illness out in the open.
My stroke taught me so much and for all that it stole. It gaves me even more. I learned to live with uncertainty, to know that in life there are no guarantees. I learn too that we all have a handicap- big or small. But we must overcome our hard ship to become better people. We must try, we must try.

Courtsy-Parade

Left: The author plants a kidd on Anne, his wife of 47 years. Right Douglas with three of his sons-Peter, Michael and Eric (I-r)-in 1992, dedicating an Alzheimer’s unit for people who worked in films or TV.


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